RAWWWRR

For the briefest of instances, when I opened my e-mail, I felt like a winner. One hundred twelve letters! I was the epitome of popularity! Finally all my my unanswered mail has been reciprocated. All my old friends are trying to contact me once again. Probley some big bash in my honor. And then sadly I realized I did not know one hundred and twelve people and the short lived joy I was feeling was deflated while I set about deleting my latest virus residue. I was on my second or third page of erasing the ones about Steve the crocodile hunters demise, and growing my arm chair taxi penis when a certain one caught my eye.

FEEL LIKE THE TIGER YOU ARE.

Huh? What did that one mean?

When I poke my rotund cat Tippy in the belly I feel soft fur. A warm fur covered marshmallow/bean bag chair feeling. Tippy, vain cat that he is, does not put up with me poking his flub for long before he haughty stalks off twitching his tail. I touched a tiger up at that zoo in Hinkley once, the time the owner let me ride around on his golf cart as he was feeding the critters, but that was after a few complimentary beverages at the casino, and I can honestly tell you at that time I didn't feel a thing.

OH. Feel like the tiger I are.

I always felt myself more like in the canine family, what being raised by wolves on the Canadian border and how well I can relate to the fox and all, but hey I could give this thought a shove.

In my tiger frame of mind I'm damn hot. Not the good hot. The growly, I got all this crazy fur on me shave me now I'm going to bite your head off hot. And I'm gassy from all this meat diet, plus a little constipated to boot. I could go hunting for sport, pleasure or just a quick snacky snack, but I just want to lay here. And I'm all twitchy, looking over my shoulder for poachers all the time. They only want me for my hide and my aphrodisiac ability. Not that I would get any steamy loving mind you. They done shot every other tiger cept my brother and he is up in a zoo, God knows where in Minnesota. Not that I would do him anyway, the lazy buggers farts were riper than mine. Bring me a steak and a nice cool place where I don' t have to keep marking as my territory. I'm the biggest thing going on around here.

Yup, that person who sent me that knew me well after all. I should invite him over for dinner. Bring your own penis armchair.